It's okay to drink beer in the 3rd trimester, right?

A funny thing happened to me yesterday that might have given me a questionable reputation in our neighborhood. I had been talking to my sister Marian on the phone about wanting to get some contractions going, and she reminded me about the trick where you do uneven sidewalk-curb walking (I promise this is a real thing) - you walk up and down the street with one foot on the edge of the sidewalk and the other foot in the street. For some reason this makes you have contractions.

Anyway, I decided to try it and headed off down our street. I thought I may as well walk down to the mailbox to check the mail. I knew that I looked a little bit funny, but I decided that even if I passed someone on the street I would keep going, because I didn't want to stop and walk normal and waste the whole stretch of road just because of what some passer-by might think. When I got to the end of our street and was about to turn onto the road where our mailbox is, I noticed an empty beer can sitting in the grass. I decided to pick it up so I could throw it away once I got down to the mailbox.

I hadn't really thought about how me holding a beer can would make it look even funnier as I staggered down the street stepping up and down on the curb until I saw a man walking towards me on the sidewalk. We were walking towards each other for awhile before we passed, and I was trying to decide how to handle it (do I smile and say hi? just smile? avoid eye contact? pretend I'm not walking like this? try to explain?) but hadn't really reached a conclusion when the time came. I think I just gave him a little smile. He stopped and said, "Are you okay, Ma'am?" I said yes and kept walking, but then he asked again, "Ma'am - are you doing all right?" That's when the realization hit me that he thought I was a drunk pregnant lady, and I was trying so hard not to laugh, because for some reason it seemed so silly, and I knew I should have explained, but by then I was already past him, so I just called out that I was doing fine and kept walking to the mailbox with a big grin on my face because it seemed so funny. I just kept imagining what he must have thought when he saw a pregnant lady walking very unsteadily down the street with a beer can in her hand. I'm thinking he could have come up with no logical reason for me to be doing that unless I was drunk.

I feel a little bad that I didn't clear things up. I came home and told Daniel what happened, and he can't believe I didn't try to explain. I guess I really should have, it just happened so fast, and it would have been a complicated two-part explanation at least: look, this isn't really my beer can, I just found it on the street and wanted to keep our neighborhood clean so I picked it up so I could throw it away by the mailbox, and the reason I'm walking this funny way is because I thought it might make me have contractions and I'm trying to go into labor a little early. Got it?

I hope I didn't worry him too badly. This embarrassing situation would at least be worth it if it had actually worked and sent me into labor, because then I could have a fun "the day you were born" story, but although the curb walking did cause some contraction action, here I am the next day and still no baby.

I was thinking that maybe if I try that little trick again, I should carry some little weights in my hand or something, because then it will at least look like some sort of wacky exercise routine and not just drunkenness. And I should probably just leave the beer cans on the ground.

SO, thanks a lot for the suggestion, Marian. See if I listen to you ever again.

Cute pregnant lady exercising. Not what I looked like. Unless you write "Miller Lite" on the label of that water bottle and then imagine her walking down the street in a crazy manner.